Bad Black Swan Art

Mrs. Breen and I saw Black Swan last night and there was a scene with some crazy talking art. I know how that feels!

The quality of the art was rather poor though – it was like they ran out of money when they came to this scene and asked one of the grips to quickly whip up some pained portraits. Well, when my art screams at me I give it a serious breening! Just saying.

The movie was excellent, and I highly recommend it! Here’s the trailer.

Extinct Birds

PREBREEN

Text says ‘Extinct birds eat out of Kitty’s hand! But Audubon wants all the seed for himself!’

This is one of the few paintings I’ve assaulted that I can definitely claim as an approvement! The prebreen subject looks melancholy and very unhappy locked into this painting. However, when I turned her into a cat-woman she perked right up! Meeooww!!! She already had one impossibly enormous hand, so I thought I’d make it matched set. I also gave her a big pile of bird seed to feed any extinct birds that were hanging around my brain. Swallow Tailed Audubon, however, being extinct himself, has worked up quite an appetite and wants all the seed for himself!

To buy this painting go HERE.

POSTBREEN


Substandard Art

This one says ‘Warning! Substandard Art! This work must NOT be hung in a place of prominence!”
PREBREEN

This is a tiny painting I’ve had kicking around the studio for a while.  It appears to have been painted in a factory churn-it-out mode for island tourists, but honestly, I really have no idea where it originally came from.  I have always been impressed by how crappy a painting this is, and, as that crappiness is the work’s strongest suit, why not brag about it! This is a quicky, cerebral breen you can pick up for next to nothing – a good one for those just starting out on an ill-advised breen collection! You can hang it in your bathroom, under the stairs, in a kitchen cabinet, the garage – some place it is not too often seen!  Also, that way you’ll never get sick of it – every time you see it it will be like a new discovery.  “Hey, I forgot about that! Ha Ha! He wrote do ‘not hang in a place of prominence!’ and I didn’t!”

POSTBREEN

Beauty Treatment

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Since I’ve listed this I’ve changed it already – breened myself so to speak! As I was writing up a Twitter entry I realized what I was writing should be in the painting itself! The main text I added says – ‘Halibut Face Entices Herring To Their Doom – But Is Really A Nice Person! The other text is tiny and hardly visible. It says “This end up!” on all sides, because it does not matter which way you turn this painting, any side works! I also signed this painting on all sides so you can hang it any way you want!

A fellow artist sent her own work to me to breen, and, as usual, it took me a couple of years to get to it. And after all that waiting, this is the horror I concocted! Well, can’t say she didn’t go in with eyes open! To see Anna’s work, unmolested, go here.

The first thing I envisioned was to create a thick ring of herring running around her face. But then I was stumped. Here is where divine inspiration usually comes in to help me finish a piece, but not this time! While I was painting the herring I kept flipping the work and realized that no matter which side was facing up, it looked like its natural orientation. The face was the only thing interfering with this spin art effect. But I wanted to keep some part of the original painting, so that nixed a four mouthed cyclops. Naturally, the solution was to keep one eye and render a slightly cubist halibut face with features pointed every which way! Sometimes you just have to know when to stop!

My inability to know this point is my greatest strength and greatest weakness – that is – if you don’t count my inability to paint a cat to look like a cat.

To buy this painting, go here.

POSTBREEN in
Can be placed on any side!