Threats and Presents


When Ann brought this home from the flea market, my first impression was that this was just an angry big eye painting – maybe a copy of a 16th or 17th century work. After awhile, it began to bug me that it was glowering at me. There is a simmering tension in the face, intensely cold, with deadpan eyes that nevertheless somehow convey anger. When you drop your gaze to the mouth, then back up to the eyes, the expression fleetingly appears to flit between seriousness and amusement, but it could just be your own mind playing tricks. Maybe he was joking after all, like the Joe Pesci character in Goodfellas, ‘you think I’m funny? I’m here to amuse you?’As you move about the room, the eyes follow, hammering you with disapproval!  This tension is palpable – a personal warning to the viewer!

So I threw a nun’s habit on him to see what he would do about it.  He tried to leap out of the painting to get at me, so I knew I was pushing his buttons! To jack the tension up even more I gave him an Uncle Sam style pointing finger and and arm cocked with a piece of flaming coal.  This effectively turned him into an avenging transvestite Christmas angel so I wrote -’ Have you been good this year?’ ‘I will only hurl this coal at your head if YOU feel you deserve it!’ This puts the ball in the viewers court and makes the painting all about them.  Makes them the decision maker.  DO you deserve to have the coal flung your way? I also wrote -‘Well do ya punk?’

I softened the edges with Christmas iconography just enough, so that you can get out of the room unscathed, that is, if you exit walking backwards with your eyes on the painting, because you know, if you take your eyes off, that cocked arm is going to let loose and it’s aim will be dead on.

Click on the link below this painting if you want to see a long-winded video deconstructing the piece.


To buy this painting on Ebay, go HERE.
To see a long-winded video describing my thought process while painting this piece, go HERE.

All Wound Up!



This painting was originally shown locally over a year ago.  But I have done a minor upgrade since, changing the text to: ‘This painting will be quiet if you don’t wind up the sea-monkey!’ As this painting has been hanging on the wall for a year, I thought of many more phrases to hang next to this grimacing guy, until I realized I should just state was is plain fact.  That monkey will never slam it’s cymbals together if you don’t wind it up!

The original prebreen was/is a Pelbam sea captain painting and was safe for a while, since, after first painting the frame gold, I thought it then looked too fancy to breen!  But then I hatched this idea, and, well, no painting is safe in my house. This isn’t the first sea monkey captain I’ve done, but it is the first sea captain CYMBAL monkey.  The text originally said ‘Do Not Resist’ which,  was text on the old comic book ads for sea monkeys! Do not resist our completely false advertisement! Buy the shrimp and try vainly to imagine them as tiny apes!

do not resist

On the the original breen I pasted an off-center monkey face on the captain (note the pipe coming out of the side of his head), with the familiar cymbal monkey grimace. The effect here is that your eye darts around, off-balance, and you feel increasingly agitated, the way you would if the cymbal monkey was actually, annoyingly, slamming the cymbals together! Monkeys hook arms around the outside of the painting as they do in the barrel full of monkeys game, and a numerical code describes the meaning of the painting’s elements on the very inside of the frame. The pipe bubble gives the solution to this EXTREMELY simple code. Various Ipswich insects grace the painting including the greenhead fly, the mosquito and the deer tick(arachnid).

To buy this painting, go HERE.

Breenish Bling



Hi Everyone,

Welcome back to me!

This is the blingiest breen ever, a wooden fish on a wooden plaque framed by GOLD painted rope and infested with acrylic JEWELS, requiring three trips to Michaels and A.C. Moore for the fake DIAMONDS.  It took a long time to glue those little gems, but the result is well worth the effort!  This the rare one that Mrs. Breen wants to keep, and she can have it! That is, if she can come up with my $1000 asking price – I’ll give her first dibs!  The text on this 25″X10″ breenousity says ‘This art is better…because it’s expensive!’  The shark is very bright and shoots crazy sparkles as you move around it,  but the camera really can’t catch the light display, at least, not in my hands.  A little plastic deep-sea diver found on the beach is drafted onto the plaque, and I gussied him up a little with gold paint and fake emeralds.   But he is still kind of dirty and has sand stuck in his helmet. You may have originally thought the shark was smoking a cigarette, but look more closely and you’ll notice the diver’s arm is in the shark’s mouth.  The diver is bleeding fake rubies.  This is the only breen in existence that is signed with acrylic diamonds.  Nothing says elegance like a shiny, glittery breen, and since it is so expensive, you know it must be good!  I’m not putting this one up on Ebay – if you are interested in this piece shoot me an email and I’ll give you my Paypal info.

Fun and Games


Text on this one says ‘It’s all fun and games until the cave fish eats a mime!’ The original subject had cave fish pallor,  so I had a cave fish eat him.  Cirque Du Soliel type acrobats perform nearby.  But the show isn’t a hit as people can’t see what’s going on in the cave – it’s too dark!

This auction finishes on Christmas eve!  Buy YOURSELF a Christmas present for a change! An inoffensive breen, unless you’re a mime, in which case you are saying, “Et tu Eddie?”


First Breenish Guitar – ‘Flying Frying Fingers!’

A while back luthier extraordinaire, Al Reid, proposed I paint an electric guitar which he would have clear-coated and assemble. Not a piece of crap thrift store hunk of unplayable wood, but a new professional instrument that any musician in the world would feel comfortable taking up on stage. Finally! A Breen worthy of being set on fire by Hendrix or smashed on stage by Pete Townsend! Well here it is! the pictures don’t do it justice, I’ll be taking better ones later. Your pick won’t be scraping of hunks of sun and finger because after I painted the body it was professionally clear coated. I call it Frying Flying Fingers, or FFF for short, pronounced phhfffff. I always thought the sunburst style was kind of dull so I breened it into a supernova, and laced in burning, impossibly long fingers. On the back is the guitar’s brain, necessary to help you complete your song, since, as a musician, you are completely drugged up and can hardly stand – get to rehab before it’s too late!
Here’s a little from Al about the guitar –
This guitar was built by Al Reid Guitars It is a one of a kind custom made Telecaster.The neck,pickups and hardware are  authentic Fender FSR  Standard Telecaster parts. The body  is custom made of Ash and is back routed to accommodate the upgraded electronics. A 4-way selector switch with high end controls expand the tonal versatility. Before assembly the entire body and headstock were treated to a very special encounter with Eddie and then clear coated to protect the image by Julian Miller at Sublime Restoration. Julian is well know for his work with the Whitney Museum in New York .Besides being an extraordinary art piece this guitar is a fully functional professionally prepared instrument. Al Reid Guitars also offers any modifications desired.
This #1 and I’m selling it for $3500 + shipping. If you want to modify the electronics, Al can upgrade it for an additional fee. If interested in seeing more shots or buying this guitar email me or go to the ebay listing.

Cryptic Captain!

Sometimes I start a painting and it wheels out of control like a spinning car on black ice and slams into a tree! This is one of those!
I had a breen lying around that really wasn’t complete and I didn’t like very much. It started out as a little girl.


Since this was painted by someone named E. Burger, who I couldn’t find any info on (and unfortunately accidentally painted over the signature), I pretended it was by Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren E. Burger and made the portait into a judge. She is sitting in a brain surrounded by neurons beset py plaques and tangles which precede Alzheimers. Although there is no medical evidence to support this, I am firmly convinced my own skull is filled with these or soon will be!


Of course, she resented this treatment and stubbornly resisted being incorporated into the painting in any pleasing aesthetic way! Insolent child! But can I blame her? When I scrawled the text on the painting, I did it in large shouting Uncle Sam Wants You enlistment letters as thought that would give some meaning to this paint pizza.


So I’ve been glaring at her for the past year or two across the studio while she harbors a tight little smug smile, nyaah, nyaah, nya, nyaahing me. And when I had the idea of rebreening a Breen, there was no place for her to hide!

I am on a sea captain series as most of you know, and thought it might be funny to turn a young girl into a grizzled captain. I think we can all agree, the result is creepier than one could hope! I aged the face and gave her light blue eyes and popped the Captain’s Hat on her head. I also gave her a slightly open smile with very bad teeth, a technique all who vandalize art instinctually know from elementary school. The text, which appears to be jumbled, is perfectly readable once you figure out how. There is a spilled wine bottle at his/her elbow and I threw in a bunch of arbitrary eyes, simply because I could. Mrs. Breen thinks this one looks TOO creepy and suggested I throw in some flowers or balloons to soften things up like I sometimes do. But I decided to let it ride. After all, there’s no reason I shouldn’t float a creepy nonsensical breen every now and then! Lets face it! It’s what I do best!

This one isn’t for sale yet.


Smelly Valentine Breen

This is a rebreen of a lightly hastily breened valentine I gave to my wife in years gone by. As you cn see from the first photo, I was racing the clock before she woke up and of course, after a chuckle, the painting ended back up in the studio, where it has languished ever since. This painting is not intended to make fun of the old and smelly, among whose numbers I count myself, but to lament the loss of romance which seems to accompany middle age smelliness. I love this portraits puppy dog eyes, so I turned him into an old dog, although he also looks like a giant rabbit now.



To buy this painting, go HERE