Forgetful Captain Coral


Text on this one says ‘Although he is mostly brain, Captain Coral’s memory is horrible!!’
Also, hidden in the painting is the text, “Where did I put my pipe?” and “It’s in your mouth!”

I have this running list of text blocks, that, chuckling to myself, I write down from time to time, to use in future paintings. This was going to be one of those, but the Captain didn’t like the idea and negotiated his way out of it.  I WAS going to turn him into a ghost and have the viewer avoid the cold spot in the painting, but the Captain was not looking forward to an eternity in a kind of monster-zombie-ghost state and pleaded with me to change my mind, to go colorful instead.  He pointed out that I had just done an albino painting and what kind of an artist was I to keep repeating looks, blah blah blah!! OKAY, I GET it!!

To get the ball rolling, Captain suggested that I give him a red coral beard.  Good idea! So I painted that.  Then I studied his eyes, and he seemed lost in thought, like he was trying to remember something, trying really hard.  So I painted his coat into brain coral. But he still couldn’t remember.  I then turned all of him into coral, and gave him four coral captain friends to make up the reef.  I popped in some fish to hide from the nonexistent predators . But what was the captain trying to remember? He couldn’t remember where his pipe was! Although it was right in his mouth!

Mrs. Breen is all over me to keep this one – believe me, an unusual occurrence!  She thinks this is one of the best paintings I’ve ever done.  Usually, when I finish one of these paintings, I just roll over and start snoring.  But I can’t stop staring at this one, lighting it cigarettes, bringing it breakfast in bed!  The color is impossible to capture properly with my camera.  My sea captain Breenalisa breensterpiece!

This one is expensive, and I am listing with a buy it now, not an auction.


All Wound Up!



This painting was originally shown locally over a year ago.  But I have done a minor upgrade since, changing the text to: ‘This painting will be quiet if you don’t wind up the sea-monkey!’ As this painting has been hanging on the wall for a year, I thought of many more phrases to hang next to this grimacing guy, until I realized I should just state was is plain fact.  That monkey will never slam it’s cymbals together if you don’t wind it up!

The original prebreen was/is a Pelbam sea captain painting and was safe for a while, since, after first painting the frame gold, I thought it then looked too fancy to breen!  But then I hatched this idea, and, well, no painting is safe in my house. This isn’t the first sea monkey captain I’ve done, but it is the first sea captain CYMBAL monkey.  The text originally said ‘Do Not Resist’ which,  was text on the old comic book ads for sea monkeys! Do not resist our completely false advertisement! Buy the shrimp and try vainly to imagine them as tiny apes!

do not resist

On the the original breen I pasted an off-center monkey face on the captain (note the pipe coming out of the side of his head), with the familiar cymbal monkey grimace. The effect here is that your eye darts around, off-balance, and you feel increasingly agitated, the way you would if the cymbal monkey was actually, annoyingly, slamming the cymbals together! Monkeys hook arms around the outside of the painting as they do in the barrel full of monkeys game, and a numerical code describes the meaning of the painting’s elements on the very inside of the frame. The pipe bubble gives the solution to this EXTREMELY simple code. Various Ipswich insects grace the painting including the greenhead fly, the mosquito and the deer tick(arachnid).

To buy this painting, go HERE.

Capn’ Chris Renders Hands Poorly!


Years ago I had a boat, and I would ferry my friends and their kids over to Plum Island for barbecues and volleyball. The kids called me Captain Chris (Chris being the name people know me by in the unreal non-painter world). So this is kind of a self portrait dealing with an art problem I have, which is making anything I paint look like it is supposed to look, especially hands! I know this is why people like my art – I try to make a dog and it comes out looking like a half-human mutant cat and then oh well it looks kind of cool so move on. I populate a canvas with these mistakes and Jesus, it looks great, I don’t know why, I would say its the hand of God but I don’t believe his hand is doing anything other than trying to squish the life out of me as I dance around trying to dodge the stabbing index finger.

I don’t have a prebreen on this one, big mistake, since this was a pretty cool nude before I launched into it. But its probably better off there is no record of what she looked like for dignity’s sake. I found this and a bunch of other nudes in Brimfield, MA, so in the future you shall be treated to other naked breens, which will be a good series topic in itself – Breen Exposed!

I thought it would be funny to drag this ‘Life Painting’ session into my Captain series, and it works well as it always does when the underlying painting is great. The unapologetically overweight model and the painters in the background are elements which strip away any sexuality and proclaim, ‘This is a clinical study of the human form, this is ART not porno! So if this painting is arousing you, it is YOUR problem, nothing on me!’ I turned the nude and main painter into captains, the old lady into a sailor because someone has to do the work! Text says, ‘Captain Chris Found It Difficult To Render Hands!’ (although if you use the ‘to melt down’ meaning rather than the ‘represent by artistic means’, Capn’ Chris renders quite well!) Capn’ Chris’ hands are the most poorly or well rendered of the lot with grotesque freakishly long nails! No wonder he can’t paint hands – how can he even hold a brush?! Cognoscenti of breenishness will recognize a stalk eye in the flying sea serpent, a regular staple in the old days but rarely seen in recent paintings.

This painting is incredibly balanced, and after I breened most of it, I remembered my old college art history course where they would describe how your eyeballs are dragged around the canvas by the different elements and colors. So I put a spot of intense red on the paint brush to bring your eye to Capn’ Chris’ hands. To further help your eyes around the painting, I peppered little red arrows, like on a weather map showing wind direction. Unfortunately, I realized red probably wasn’t the best color to use for this eyeball nudging, as the color demands you look everywhere at once creating chaos. So as usual, the work ends up in a free for all visual food fight. The strange halibut at the bottom of the painting, being flat fish, lay on top of the canvas, defying any attempt at inclusion in the painting’s perspective.

This painting isn’t for sale yet, as I’m putting together a bunch of Captains so I can have a show somewhere. But I will let anyone on my mailing list know first when a show takes place, so they can have first crack at the paintings.



Cryptic Captain!

Sometimes I start a painting and it wheels out of control like a spinning car on black ice and slams into a tree! This is one of those!
I had a breen lying around that really wasn’t complete and I didn’t like very much. It started out as a little girl.


Since this was painted by someone named E. Burger, who I couldn’t find any info on (and unfortunately accidentally painted over the signature), I pretended it was by Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren E. Burger and made the portait into a judge. She is sitting in a brain surrounded by neurons beset py plaques and tangles which precede Alzheimers. Although there is no medical evidence to support this, I am firmly convinced my own skull is filled with these or soon will be!


Of course, she resented this treatment and stubbornly resisted being incorporated into the painting in any pleasing aesthetic way! Insolent child! But can I blame her? When I scrawled the text on the painting, I did it in large shouting Uncle Sam Wants You enlistment letters as thought that would give some meaning to this paint pizza.


So I’ve been glaring at her for the past year or two across the studio while she harbors a tight little smug smile, nyaah, nyaah, nya, nyaahing me. And when I had the idea of rebreening a Breen, there was no place for her to hide!

I am on a sea captain series as most of you know, and thought it might be funny to turn a young girl into a grizzled captain. I think we can all agree, the result is creepier than one could hope! I aged the face and gave her light blue eyes and popped the Captain’s Hat on her head. I also gave her a slightly open smile with very bad teeth, a technique all who vandalize art instinctually know from elementary school. The text, which appears to be jumbled, is perfectly readable once you figure out how. There is a spilled wine bottle at his/her elbow and I threw in a bunch of arbitrary eyes, simply because I could. Mrs. Breen thinks this one looks TOO creepy and suggested I throw in some flowers or balloons to soften things up like I sometimes do. But I decided to let it ride. After all, there’s no reason I shouldn’t float a creepy nonsensical breen every now and then! Lets face it! It’s what I do best!

This one isn’t for sale yet.


Captain Ed Is A Horse Of Course Of Course!

I think I mentioned my Sea Captain Wall in passing in the last post. After moving into the new digs and getting my studio set up, I noticed I had a lot of captains in the prebreen pile. Well anytime you get a big group of blow-hards together like that there is sure to be trouble. Damned if they didn’t gang up on me and demand to be hung! They looked so good as a group, I decided to make my own captains out of paintings that weren’t captains yet, thus you get the painting in the posting prior to this one. Though to be fair, he was practically a captain with the old man beard and pipe. Who needs maritime training when you look like that?

Tour my wall below:
Part I

Part II

Another painting that was hanging out at the prebreen pile was a horse head on round masonite.


So, I turned him into a Sea Captain!


"Captain Ed Is A Horse Of Few Words!" "Hey!" he says. Horseshoe crabs meander around and a Prairie Schooner is at anchor in the background. This is a simple inoffensive breen, and as such, is EXTREMELY RARE!!! Well, I’ll probably paint a bunch more of these until you’re sick to death of them, so stick around!

Captain of the Food Chain


This is the first painting completed in my new studio! I put up a Sea Captain wall but had this Germanic bearded man who was odd man out. He was almost a Captain. He was old and had a beard. But he had a furtive, guilty look, not the confident, wise or simple curmudgeony look usually draped on an old salts mug.

A fishing net stretches like a spider web behind the Captain and catches fish I have either caught or eaten (striper, bluefish, squid, herring, lobster, clam, although the last two I’ve taken liberties with in the rendering as they are not usually cycloptic organisms.) I admit I have not eaten or caught the blind cave fish in the bottom of the painting, I just added them arbitrarily. I changed his pipe into a scythe and he holds out his hands, which have fish blood on them. This is not an anti-fishing painting, as I love to fish, but does deal with the ambivalent feelings I do have towards the activity! He is a killer of sea life, it is natural, but he is not comfortable with his role. Time to go to The Clam Box and grab a bite!


If you are interested in purchasing this painting, go HERE.